


Thorn in My Side

by oneshycrow



Series: The Courier Walks Softly [2]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Behavior, Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Fluff, Humor, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Sexism, vulpes is still a giant dick dont let him make you forget it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:48:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24063865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneshycrow/pseuds/oneshycrow
Summary: A few months after his affair with Vulpes in Novac, the courier, Jae, believes he is continuing his good deeds by helping those who are 'disadvantaged' in both the Legion and NCR. Without wanting to get involved in politics and go against his own morals, he sees nothing wrong in giving his assistance to people in need. However, with Vulpes at his side twisting the image of the Mojave to suit his own ideals, Jae will have to make more than a few uncomfortable decisions.
Relationships: Male Courier/Vulpes Inculta
Series: The Courier Walks Softly [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1736035
Comments: 9
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tagged this as emotional manipulation because Vulpes is not a good person in the slightest. Even though I portray their relationship as loving, Vulpes is purposefully trying to trick the courier into secretly helping the Legion. While I won't go too far into portraying that type of scenario, it's definitely a huge theme and can't be avoided. 
> 
> I am not writing this as a Vulpes Inculta redemption fic and if that's what you're looking for I'm really sorry, but this isn't it. He's a human, though, so I'll be exploring the dynamic that people are three dimensional and have a lot of depth, but deep down he still has pure Evil karma, is incredibly loyal to Caesar, and will do anything to get his own way.
> 
> Jae also has his flaws, despite being an incredibly good karma courier. While I write him in a way that can make him seem a little naive sometimes, I want to say that someone being a good person and wanting to stay true to themselves does not make them less intelligent or gullible. It just so happens that Jae can be that way, and really is blinded by love for most of this fic.
> 
> Now that this is all out of the way, I hope you enjoy the fic!
> 
> Edited: 2021

“So. What exactly am I supposed to do when I find Martina?” Jae begins, sitting back in his chair and checking his notes on his pip-boy. It’s been about two months since that fateful night in Novac, and he and Vulpes are currently sitting in Vault 21 at one of the roulette tables discussing their current mission. Or rather, Jae’s mission. He isn’t entirely sure why Vulpes decided to tag along, but he can’t say he minds.

“Protect her,” Vulpes states simply, keeping a keen eye on his surroundings under the brim of his hat. Jae sighs and takes a sip of his Nuka Cola, watching as the dealer spins the wheel. He leans in and crosses his fingers, hoping the ball lands on the number six. Vulpes can’t help but watch him from the corner of his eye, pursing his lips and fighting back the urge to crack a grin at this ridiculous behavior. The level of intelligence this man possessed, yet here he was gambling ten chips for absolutely no reason at all. Spending time with Jae over these past few months has opened Vulpes up to a whole new world of… well, this. But he isn’t complaining about the sheer hilarity of it all.

“Sounds simple enough,” Jae says, his tone light, but the affirming nod he sends in Vulpes’ direction shows he does take this seriously. 

Vulpes has to calm himself, remind himself that Jae is not working for them. He’s simply here to protect an 'innocent' mixed up in the politics of New Vegas. Though, Vulpes doesn’t understand Jae’s view in the slightest. ‘Savior of the Wastes’ and yet he’s spending time mingling with their head Frumentarius on an almost daily basis while running petty missions for the Legion. Vulpes and Caesar had already discussed Jae’s skewed and naïve view of the word ‘good’ at length, and had decided to use him in the only way possible – to further their goals one small step at a time, without violence. 

It was Vulpes’ strong suit, and he eagerly accepted Caesar’s order to follow Jae on these missions, delivering the orders to the courier and rewriting their purpose to suit Jae’s narrow-minded concerns. As long as Jae couldn’t see how he was aiding the big picture and continued to view it as ‘helping innocents’ he would stay by his side. Vulpes had been spending the past few months guiding Jae by Caesar’s invisible hand, steering him from those who would seek to tarnish the Legion even further in his eyes and encouraging him to distrust others. 

Jae knows about the crimes they’ve committed, he’d seen firsthand what Vulpes had done to both Nipton and Searchlight, but during the time they’d spent together Vulpes had carefully crafted a more tasteful narrative to quell Jae’s concerns. As far as Jae was concerned, he was operating only under Vulpes and helping those stuck under the crushing weight of the war with no choice in any matter. Vulpes couldn’t help but admire Jae’s persistent ability to seek out the good in bad people. Only he could be so endearingly oblivious to the ways of the world. 

Vulpes jumps out of his thoughts when Jae erupts in loud laughter and clapping, gleefully accepting his whopping twenty chips and receiving glares from the other patrons at the table as they lost an even greater sum. So much for being covert. Vulpes pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs.

“If you need money so badly, all you have to do is ask.” He says, attempting to make a joke, albeit in his own deadpan, awkward kind of way. Jae shoots him a grin, dropping his meager winnings into the satchel at his belt. He'll have to remember to turn them in for caps before they leave.

“Are you trying to flirt with me?” He teases back, standing up from his perch on the stool and waiting for Vulpes to do the same. Vulpes snorts despite himself as he stands up, his face flushing. He tries to hide it, turning his head from Jae and tipping the brim of his hat at some woman walking by, but when he turns back Jae is beaming. Vulpes decides to take it in stride.

“Is that so inconceivable?” He states simply, allowing the corners of his mouth to tug into a soft smile. It was rare that he partook in the Vegas customs of ‘romance’ with this type of cheeky banter, but when he did it was spared only for Jae.

Jae pulls him out of the main room of the vault and into a quiet corridor, pressing Vulpes back against the wall as he leans in, his heart pounding in his ears. Mission be damned, they rarely got alone time and the way Vulpes has been looking at him all day was driving him insane. 

“I didn’t know Mr. Fox flirted in dingy casinos.” Jae whispers, laughing despite himself as he tries to sound seductive. He loves moments like this, when he and Vulpes can pretend nothing in the Mojave exists but them. When they can let their problems and the weight of the world drop off their shoulders and get lost in each other’s eyes. It may be completely childish of him, but he wouldn’t trade this feeling for anything in the world. 

“I’m discovering a lot of things I didn’t know about Mr. Fox recently.” Vulpes hums thoughtfully, tipping Jae’s chin up and placing a chaste kiss on his lips. The things he wants to do with this man are unspeakable, and it was almost tempting to place a hold on their current task to bask in the warmth of his embrace. Caesar was known for his impatience, though, and he had lingered away from Fortification Hill as long as he could without raising suspicion. He curses his past punctuality, wishing he had been a bit more sparing in his dedication to quickly wrapping up all affairs if only to spare him more time with the Courier now. 

Jae is about to kiss Vulpes again when they’re startled by a sudden crash echoing further down the hallway. Both jump apart and Jae gives Vulpes a curt nod before he takes off down the hallway at a brisk pace, peering into every door on his way, his hand resting at the spot on his hip where he’d concealed a knife. Vulpes follows him, ever cautious, but allowing Jae to take the lead. This is his mission after all, and it won’t do for Vulpes to interfere unless necessary. 

Jae turns into one of the furthest rooms down the hallway, his hand dangerously close to the knife at his hip and stops right in his tracks as he sees a crying woman cornered by three Omerta thugs. The woman, who Jae assumes is this ‘Martina’ Vulpes had tasked him with protecting, looks visibly relieved when the thugs turn their attention to Jae. 

One of the men with frazzled hair and dark circles under his eyes aims a 9mm squarely at Jae, an annoyed look on his face. 

“This ain’t your fuckin’ business,” he starts, spitting on the floor in front of him. “Walk away and forget you saw anything.” Jae swallows thickly, resisting the urge to rub at the scar left on his head by a different 9mm. Despite the tension in the air he tries to remain calm and stands up straighter, crossing his arms defensively in front of him. He knows Vulpes is waiting outside the door and won’t allow any harm to come to him or the woman he wants protecting – isn’t that why he followed him in the first place? To make sure Jae didn’t royally fuck up.

“I thought someone from such a notable Vegas family like you would know,” Jae beings, the dry rasp in his voice betraying his nerves, “this woman is under the protection of the Legion.” It's a foreign thing for him to admit to, being a messenger for the Legion. It doesn’t sit quite right in his gut, and the reality of the fact that he's working in their interests rather than just running errands for Vulpes threatens to slip past the carefully crafted façade the man has set up for him. 

The threat works, however, and the men before him lower their weapons, fumbling for words. “That’s-!” the one with the 9mm begins to protest, his eyebrows furrowed in anger.

“Go ahead,” Jae cuts him off, “cross them. I dare you.”

“Shit. Fuck this, we’re just following orders. You can have her.” The man spits out and shoves past Jae into the hallway, giving him a searing glare. The thugs exchange hesitant looks with one another before holstering their weapons and following their leader out of the room.

Vulpes looks on the entourage of losers with indignance, enjoying the flash of fear in their eyes as they walk past his post outside the door and realize that Jae wasn’t alone. 

He waits outside while Jae talks to the woman, noting with dismay how he manages to press her for more information than Vulpes had thought she would give. He sighs when she loudly denounces his questions about her working for the Legion and instead mentions how she’s been giving her information to an NCR soldier. 

When they began this mission, Vulpes had insisted that Martina was working as an informant for the Legion of her own free will, gladly serving their cause. It was one of the ways he had been shaping the world in front of Jae to better suit them both – if a free woman had taken it upon herself to help them, how bad could they be? Surely most of their crimes were actually NCR propaganda, spewed to rally more people against the only force strong enough to oppose Kimball’s tyranny.

He couldn’t believe how foolish he had been to fabricate such a flimsy and fantastical lie, and now, as Jae stalks back out of the room and faces Vulpes with all the fury in the world, he knows he'll have to think quickly to cover his tracks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavily edited: 2021

They walk in silence back to Jae’s apartment in Freeside, Vulpes trailing behind the courier as he tries and fails, again and again, to think of an excuse for what Jae had heard from that woman back in the Vault 21 casino.

 _That woman._ Vulpes’ jaw clenches in anger and he has half a mind to go back and flay her himself to silence her flapping gums. Isn’t that how she got into trouble with the Omerta’s in the first place? He takes a breath to calm himself, letting his hands relax from fists at his sides. It won’t do to let his anger overtake him. Martina is a valuable asset, and though she has made her share of mistakes, there will be time enough after their victory to make her regret her carelessness.

Vulpes focuses his gaze on the back of Jae’s head in front of him. The man has been skulking angrily since they’d left Vault 21 and has rarely spoken a word to him. No doubt because of what Martina had let spill – she wasn’t knowingly working for the Legion as Vulpes had promised. There were many lies Vulpes has crafted to keep Jae by his side and he will be damned if this is the one to break the image of their meticulously shaped future.

As they approach the apartment, Jae reaches into his pocket and fumbles for his keys, climbing up the flimsy metal stairs of the fire escape that leads to his front door. The stairs bow and creak under the weight of two men when Vulpes follows and Jae shoves the key and turns the lock to push inside. He leaves it open for Vulpes, not even bothering to look back and see if he's followed before walking down the narrow hallway into his bathroom and slamming the door behind him. It's a surefire way to break the thing off its hinges, but to his luck, the door stays put. He doesn’t care if he's acting like a damn fool, if Vulpes is going to blatantly lie to him then Jae will be sure to do the one thing he knows will piss the other man off – the silent treatment. 

Jae turns the shower on and sits at the edge of the tub, his head in his hands. He stares at the opposite wall, focusing on the scratches and peeling paint to try and get his mind off of Vulpes. He’s been so consumed by him these past few months that he’s hardly had time for his friends. He’d sent Boone home to Novac, he hadn’t even seen Veronica since taking her back to her family, and he knew Arcade had resumed work with the Followers. It isn’t like he can go to them for help with any of this, either. They would all immediately disapprove, Arcade and Boone most of all. That’s one of the biggest reasons he had to dismiss their help – they both would recognize what Vulpes was in an instant.

All of his free time is spent on Vulpes, and he isn’t sure if that's his own fault or not. Surely being in love isn’t a crime, and boy is he in love. The thought almost brings tears to his eyes and causes him to shake – is that normal? He has no idea. He’d lived a sheltered life in his small ranch town and one stroke of bad luck had damaged his memory and landed him smack in the middle of an all-out war. Now he's deeply invested in a notorious war criminal. Is he just kidding himself when he thinks that Vulpes has been changing?

Out in the living room, Vulpes closes the door, carefully ensuring that every latch Jae has installed is locked. He then checks the windows the same way and closes the faded floral curtains, as is routine when he comes around. He loosens his tie and walks to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water. Taking a sip, he walks back to the living room and sits on the dingy couch, springs squeaking under his weight. Vulpes is reminded of another annoyance. Why Jae likes living in such run-down, dust-filled shacks, he has no idea. He hears the shower turn on and the pipes groan as they sputter to life. He sighs, taking off his hat and placing it on the dusty coffee table. He pinches the bridge of his nose and leans forward, resting his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees. 

He still hasn’t come up with a good excuse for what Jae had heard. He could blame it on the fact that Martina is an unintelligent creature, a whore on the weekends, a junkie – but even if that were true Jae would just chastise him for being judgmental. Perhaps he will just have to be honest and submit to whatever punishment Jae deems necessary. After all, how bad could it be?

After ruminating on this problem for what seems like hours, Vulpes is startled out of his thoughts by a warm hand on his shoulder. He looks up to see Jae walking around the couch, a pair of pajama pants resting low on his hips and his wet hair hanging in front of his eyes. He takes a seat next to him and the couch dips alarmingly under their combined weight. Vulpes does his best to let the tension out of his body and settles back, watching Jae warily as he dries his dark hair with the hand towel that was slung over his shoulder. 

“How was your shower?” Vulpes settles on asking in a polite tone, resisting the urge to reach out and touch the man next to him. There’d be plenty of time for that, he hopes, though he doesn’t want to promise it to himself if the next few minutes don’t go as planned. 

“Fine,” Jae replies simply, letting the towel hang around his neck. He leans over and turns up the radio sitting on the coffee table. Mr. New Vegas is reporting the weather for the night, as it has reached sundown without Vulpes even noticing, then continues to talk about the tensions at the dam, rumors of murders on the strip, sightings of legion patrols near westside, and any other ridiculous fear-mongering news they have on hand. With that, Jae gives an irritated sigh and shuts the radio off, choosing instead to sit in silence and stare at the door, no doubt double-checking to make sure Vulpes had locked it.

Vulpes vaguely registers the fact that he had intended to leave for the Fort under the cover of nightfall. He gives his silent apologies to Mars for being carelessly late and decides that he will have to wait until morning to make the long trip. He could depart now, and part of him is telling him he should, but he can’t bring himself to leave Jae like this. 

“There’s hot water left if you want to take a shower,” Jae mentions, folding the hand towel and placing it beside Vulpes’ hat on the coffee table. 

Vulpes nods in reply. “I’ll take one in a bit,” He says, testing the waters to see if Jae intends for him to stay the night or not. 

Jae shrugs, absent-mindedly picking at his fingernails. He isn’t used to this kind of awkward silence with Vulpes. When they aren’t working together, talking, or making love; they're apart. It seems to Jae that the constant looming threat of their separation has spurred their romance on much more quickly than normal, leaving them now in a realm of strange quiet. 

Finally, Jae dares to confront Vulpes. He sets his hands in his lap, taking a deep breath to steady himself.

"How could you lie to me?" He begins, unable to meet Vulpes' gaze. "You _know_ how I feel about the Legion. I had no problem helping Martina, even if she didn't know who she was working for, but why _lie_ about that?" His voice begins to rise, anger threatening to spill over his calm demeanor. 

Vulpes feels as if his heart is in his throat and he swallows heavily, preparing for what he's about to say. Apologizing to anyone below his status, even if to soothe Jae’s conscience, is an incredibly difficult feat for him and gives him nothing but discomfort. Finally, after what feels like minutes of silence, he clears his throat and says it.

“I’m sorry.”

Jae looks at him in shock, unable to hide the wide-eyed stare he gives him. He doesn’t even know what to say in response. It’s not that this isn’t a welcome surprise, he just never expected Vulpes to admit to being wrong. It's a start, but it still doesn't answer his question. He has a feeling Vulpes won't even be able to answer that but decides to press him anyway.

“Why?” He repeats a bit softer, the anger fading from his voice. He reaches out to hold the other man’s hands in his own. Vulpes gives in reluctantly before relaxing into the touch, holding Jae’s hands in a firm grip. They're warm against his own.

Vulpes lets out a huff, leveling Jae with a glare. If it wasn’t for the hint of softness in Jae’s serious eyes he would have been driven to anger. But Jae is testing him, which is fair enough, he supposes. Both of them have ways of tugging at each other’s hearts and this is how Jae gets to his.

“I didn’t mean to lie.” Vulpes lies, continuing to look into the well of Jae’s dark eyes. Again he is faced with the sensation that Jae can see right through him into the darkest parts of his soul, pulling all of his scheming and deceptions out into the light for him to see. It makes him feel slimy, disgusted almost, not just with himself but with Jae as well. This is a reckless game they both play at, being in love. Even still, Vulpes decides he wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

Jae lets go of his hands then, his smile fading into a curt line. Vulpes has been caught. Jae makes him weak and foolish and it has finally caught up with him. When they had first met in this way, Vulpes was made completely undone by him and his emotions betrayed the man he kept inside and locked away from the cruel world. Since then, he’s been able to rebuild that persona and keep his emotions relatively held back. It all comes crumbling down when they're alone together. With no more work to talk of, with the news and horrors of the Mojave locked firmly outside their door, Vulpes is left with nothing but himself and this man he loves dearly but is inevitably hurting. 

“You’re lying now,” Jae says, his face twisting in anger and sadness and the beginnings of tears pricking the corners of his eyes. Vulpes tries to keep calm but can’t help the slight shake in his voice. Staying calm in front of an enemy he looked down upon, staying calm for the greater good of Caesar’s will – those were entirely different from now. His thoughts are racing, his mouth flapping uselessly like a stranded fish, as he tries to think of what to say next. 

“ _Mea culpa_ ,” is all he can utter, almost by instinct. The room falls into silence and Vulpes looks away, unable to keep eye contact with Jae. He feels like he would drown if he dared to face him.

“You should leave,” Jae says, the light in his eyes dying as he stares at Vulpes with a dark expression. Vulpes can’t believe what he's hearing. Jae has never wanted him to leave before. Surely this is a jest, Jae's just being dramatic. He lets out a shocked laugh and reaches out to pull the other man into an embrace, but he's met with a firm hand on his arm that stops him.

“Come now, Jae,” Vulpes' voice rises, fear apparent in his eyes and sickness rolling in his stomach. He can’t lose Jae. He cannot sabotage the Legion’s chances of having this man on their side. Caesar would be furious if he came back with the news that he’d fucked up; he’d get lashed or worse. It had been so long since he’d reported failure, he doesn’t even know what would happen to him. 

And what would happen to Jae? He knew far too much to be left alone if he refused to help them. He would be hunted and killed like an animal; his body left to rot in the desert. Vulpes has to shake his head to rid him of that thought, but he can’t stop seeing the image of Jae’s crumpled body under a swarm of vultures.

Jae stays quiet, still leveling Vulpes with that hard stare. It takes a lot of guts for him to do this. In his heart, he's already begging Vulpes to stay, and it's taking all his strength not to cry at this betrayal. There's only so much he can forgive and seeing Vulpes panic in front of him makes him feel even more uneasy. 

Vulpes takes a deep breath to compose himself, deciding to play his last card in an attempt to get Jae to let him stay. It is foolish and makes him feel incredibly weak, but he can't deny that some part of it is genuine all the same. He can’t ignore his love for the man, even if it pains him to think of it. At this moment all that matters is them. His fears about Caesar be damned, he needs to mend this if he wants to keep Jae by his side – and he wants that more than anything. At least some part of him does. More than a Legion victory at the dam, more than Caesar’s recognition, he wants Jae’s heart to belong to him. 

“I love you.” He says quietly, forcing himself to meet Jae’s eyes. They haven’t exchanged those words before, and they are quite foreign to him. He isn’t sure if he means it entirely, isn't even sure if a man like him is capable of love, but when Jae’s eyes inevitably light up it fills his chest with such a warm sense of relief he feels like he might explode. If that isn’t love, he's not sure if he could ever feel it. 

Vulpes expects Jae to say something, to forgive him, but to his dismay, he isn’t submitting so easily. Vulpes grits his teeth and forces himself to continue despite the cold sweat he can feel crawling its way over his body like a night’s chill. 

“I,” he begins again, swallowing the bile threatening to rise in his throat, “I can’t live without you. Please, Jae. I can't say why I lied, but I want to make it up to you." He chooses his words carefully, trying to sound as genuine as possible. Is it entirely true? Definitely not. He's certain he can live without Jae, though he really doesn't want to have to make that choice,. Was it all to suit his own needs? Perhaps, but he wants Jae to himself all the same. He squeezes his eyes shut and hangs his head, his grip on Jae’s hands like ice, his knuckles white and his fingers trembling.

Jae can’t handle it anymore, watching the man he loves tear himself apart like this, and he lets go of Vulpes’ hands to throw his arms around his neck, pulling him close in a crushing grip. Vulpes returns the embrace and buries his face in Jae's warm neck to hide the self-satisfied smile that dances at the corners of his mouth. 

"Can you forgive me?" Vulpes asks, his voice soft as a feather in Jae's ear. 

Jae holds Vulpes close, rubbing slow circles on his back. He knows this isn’t the end of their argument, but perhaps Vulpes does feel bad about lying. Maybe Jae had overreacted – this is their first disagreement, after all. And aren’t disagreements normal in relationships?

He thinks back to what he can remember of his life before the Mojave. When he was a teenager and would see his older sister, whose face he can no longer remember, get into fights with her various lovers. She’d come home boiling with anger, only to return to them the next day as if nothing had happened. He wasn’t sure what she was ever angry about, but maybe it wasn’t entirely different. It isn’t as if Vulpes has been violent with him or anyone else. It was just a simple lie, and he supposes that's deserving of forgiveness. 

He nods slowly and then, remembering what Vulpes admitted a few minutes before, says with a smile, “I love you, too.”

\---

He holds Vulpes close to him in bed that night, repeating assurances to himself over and over in his mind. _‘Just a simple lie,’_ but a nagging voice in the back of his conscience won’t let him forget what that lie meant. 

They’re quiet and still in the tangled sheets, the only sounds the soft chirping of crickets outside and the creak of pipes working throughout the old building. Jae studies Vulpes’ features as he sleeps soundly next to him, his chest rising and falling, soft breath puffing against his skin from Vulpes’ parted lips.

He looks almost like a child in his innocence now, Jae thinks as he brushes his finger over the pale scar on his eyebrow. The normal furrow of his brow has smoothed out, leaving his face clear of emotion. It's like a blank slate. He looks like any other man, the only tell of his sins being the map of scars spread across his skin and the crude shape of the Bull burned against his back. Jae traces this shape with a single finger tip and grimaces. If he presses his hand flat against the wound his palm can cover it. Such a small thing, yet he can’t begin to imagine how much it had hurt. He contemplates being able to dig his fingers into the soft flesh around it, grabbing it whole and ripping it out of the man that he loves. 

He closes his eyes with that image in his mind, but he knows that even if it were possible it would change nothing. Scars go deeper than skin – this Jae knows from experience. Were he to remove the bullet’s mark from his head he’d lose even more of what made him who he was. He wouldn’t magically get his old life back or even be able to conjure up a new one. Scars were simple to brush away as an interesting story, a landmark, but their impact on the mind was everlasting. Removing the Bull from Vulpes’ back would change nothing, it would just make it easier for them to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From Merriam Webster:  
>  _Mea culpa_ , which means "through my fault" in Latin, comes from a prayer of confession in the Catholic Church. Said by itself, it's an exclamation of apology or remorse that is used to mean "It was my fault" or "I apologize."


End file.
